For those who do not know, my former boss at Initech was promoted/stolen for the “new” product Initech has built over the last few years. This is a sexy product, at least it would have been three years ago when everything web based was “sexy”. As it turns out, in typical Initech fashion, we have overcommitted and understaffed. My former boss was recruited to “fix” an integral part of the “sexy new product” that had been floundering for the last year+ and was causing issues everywhere. He was given more responsibility, more direct reports, and…wait for it…no increase in salary to compensate for the additional stress and burden of said new responsibility.

When my former boss left, I was given his responsibility. Now, given what you just learned about my former boss, I know you aren’t surprised to learn that I also was given more responsibility, (more) direct reports and no increase in salary or promotion even in title only (ie give you the title/level now so that when yearly raises come around you can expect to be “bumped” to the next pay grade).

If all of this weren’t irritating enough for me and my Initech cohort, I’ve learned more. I have come into possession of the proof I had always suspected, but secretly hoped against. There are people at Initech at the same “level” as I am who are making significantly more per year. I would imagine if I were to ask, I would be told these individuals are working on the “new stuff” whereas I am working on the “legacy” stuff. The funny thing is I was on the team that created the tools the “new stuff” uses to get their jobs done. I used to work in the programming language and tools of the “new stuff”. When I was on the “new stuff” there were a thousand excuses why there were no increase in pay.  If I were to ask an Initech official today, I’m sure there would still be a thousand excuses.

So I am once again at a cross-roads. I am staring down 12 years at Initech. This is not what I wanted for my life. This job is not fulfilling, and the responsibilities of the non-promotion are nothing I’d want to do even if there would have been a bump in salary to correspond with the bump in responsibility.

The truly crappy bit is that I couldn’t have hit a worse time in American History to decide to job hunt. Seriously, a large part of me says “Sit down. Shut up. Punch the clock. Enjoy getting paid.”

This is the *SAME* part of me that is willing to let me be a zombie 40+ hours a week at a job I can’t stand. I need help. I need advice. I need sane people to read this and give me words of encouragement. Are any of you still out there? All I seem to get any more are pr0n spam comments. If you’re still out there, please drop me a comment.

Your Friend,

Boat Drinks

Over the past however long I’ve been spending most of my online “social networking” over on facebook. Facebook is neat and all, but I don’t get the sense that you can just “blog” there. Most of it seems to be all about “what are you doing right this second”. I am enjoying the ability to privately message friends and catch up without writing on “The Wall” though.

I’m a bit astounded to learn how many of my former high school classmates have ended up in Southwest Michigan. I swear they are all following me…

I also have news of the work variety, but I’m not yet awake enough to share the latest round of excitement at Initech. Suffice it to say, I still don’t have my stapler…

For now go find dangerously low on grog, the whiteboard blog and the coding walrus blog. They are all current or former coworkers and I’d like to think still friends. Mad props to Roger for keeping us all up-to-date on what’s going on in his life.

Thanks again to Robert for getting me access after I forgot my admin password again.

For some reason I have become addicted to Glaceau’s Vitamin Water Essential (aka Orange). I dig the vitamin  c + calcium, and I enjoy the flavor a lot. The best part about vitamin water so far happens to be the labels though. Crazy talk you say? I beg to differ…check this out:

“ah, orange juice commercials. funny stuff. mom cheerfully prepares some huge breakfast while the rest of her family sleeps. sure, this could happen. but every morning? please. maybe if mom were heavily medicated, in which case, we wouldn’t condone operating a stove or any other electrical appliance.

for those of us who don’t live in an orange juice commercial, there’s still a way to get your morning nutrition. this product has calcium and lots of vitamin c, so you can get your day started right, minus the whole stepford mom thing. ”

That there is good stuff…and it’s GA…

So here I am, as confused as ever. I know you’ve missed my belly aching, soul searching and general curiosity with the meaning of my life. Today I experienced part 1 of a sermon series on disconnectedness. What causes us to be disconnected, and the resulting feelings and emotions that are often experienced when we are disconnected.

I think I’ve been disconnected for most of this year. I’m not sure why, but I feel like I’ve reverted to 2003 or something. I’ve lost what I had found and a good chunk of my passion for life has died.

If the wrong person reads this, she won’t understand what I mean. Let’s just hope she doesn’t read it, shall we? I miss feeling a part of something that was bigger than me. I miss sharing my life with other people. I know having a significant other means I have a unique individual to share my life with. Oddly, there are things I don’t want to share with her or can’t share with her. Maybe this is because I’m still “alone” in my head most of the time. Maybe it’s because I need a place where I can be me without being “Us”.

I don’t really know. I can’t understand why I feel the way I do right now, and I know I’m upsetting other people because I’m unwilling or unable to communicate  with them.

So here’s my reintroduction to you. I’ll spare you who I am. If you’re reading this I guess and hope that you know. If you’re out there, leave me a comment. Hopefully this new upgrade is free of comment spam.

To Robert - Thank you. I’ve missed this and I hope I get back in the swing of things. I’ve been missing the therapy for a long time now.

The Leader of the Band

An only child
Alone and wild
A cabinet makers son
His hands were meant
For different work
And his heart was known
To none –
He left his home
And went his lone
And solitary way
And he gave to me
A gift I know I never
Can repay

A quiet man of music
Denied a simpler fate
He tried to be a soldier once
But his music wouldnt wait
He earned his love
Through discipline
A thundering, velvet hand
His gentle means of sculpting souls
Took me years to understand.

The leader of the band is tired
And his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through
My instrument
And his song is in my soul –
My life has been a poor attempt
To imitate the man
Im just a living legacy
To the leader of the band.

My brothers lives were
Different
For they heard another call
One went to chicago
And the other to st. paul
And Im in colorado
When Im not in some hotel
Living out this life Ive chose
And come to know so well.

I thank you for the music
And your stories of the road
I thank you for the freedom
When it came my time to go –
I thank you for the kindness
And the times when you got tough
And, pap, I dont think i
Said i love you near enough –

The leader of the band is tired
And his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through
My instrument
And his song is in my soul –
My life has been a poor attempt
To imitate the man
Im just a living legacy
To the leader of the band
I am the living legacy
To the leader of the band.

What can I tell you? Day two of VSLive! Orlando and we’ve hit Margaritaville for reals. It was a good time, though honestly the food to me is no better than Cheeseburger in Paradise. Which is to say it isn’t bad but it certainly isn’t anything special. You go to Margaritaville for the atmosphere and the drinks, period. The shops fun too, but that’s not a prereq as all that stuff is available online.

I had me a Marg, a Corona and a BBQ Cheeseburger in Paradise and now I wish I were going to the Kenny Chesney show Friday night. Oh well, maybe next year. I have to say it is fun hangin’ with Bert and Terry in Orlando, but I wish Lori was here. It would be infinitely more fun if it were just she and I and we really WERE on vacation.

I have to say the conference hotel (NOT where we are staying btw) is really cool. I dig the theme and the atmosphere of the place. Check it out:

http://www.universalorlando.com/ht_rpr_index.html

The neat thing is if you WERE staying there it is walking distance, you get free Universal Express Pass and free theme park tickets, not a bad deal considering the price of parking, individual park one day tickets and the fact that normally the Express Pass tacks on an additional $25 per ticket per day I think.

At any rate it is Tuesday night, tomorrow is the last day of the conference and we’re heading home Thursday. Orlando is almost over, and I wish I could stay a while longer to just enjoy the city. I don’t know why, perhaps it is because this town is a giant tourist trap, but I like it here. The weather is nice (for now) and I am really enjoying all the palm trees and boat drinks. I guess that goes without saying…

Hi from Orlando…I miss you all…I’ll try to bring some warm weather back with me…

It spoke to me about a lot of things and when it was done, I wanted to hear it again.

I’d still like to hear it again, but I keep forgetting to bring that CD with me to work.
For your consideration on tonight’s installment of Jason posts song lyrics:

Holy Water by Big & Rich

Somewhere there’s a stolen halo
I use to watch her wear it well
Everything would shine wherever she would go
But looking at her now you’d never tell

Someone ran away with her innocence
A memory she can’t get out of her head
I can only imagine what she’s feeling
When she’s praying
Kneeling at the edge of her bed

And she says take me away
And take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me like holy water
Holy water

She wants someone to call her angel
Someone to put the light back in her eyes
She’s looking through the faces
The unfamiliar places
She needs someone to hear her when she crys

And she says take me away
And take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me like holy water
Holy water

She just needs a little help
To wash away the pain she’s felt
She wants to feel the healing hands
Of someone who understands

And she says take me away
And take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me
And she says take me away
And take me farther
Surround me now
And hold, hold, hold me like holy water
Holy water

So, I might get back to using the internet while I’m hanging out here. The uber cool thing is that it IS NOT a PC Card EVDO modem/card/whatever. It is a USB EVDO so I can use it with my laptop, Lori’s PC, my home PC and any other PC that I install the software on.

Granted, it will only work on the PC that has the card connected via USB but this is still friggin’ sweet. I’m *hoping* that it will also work Up North. Imagine high speed internet at the travel trailer. It could be a great summer. I wonder if Terry will let me work from my “cabin”? I wonder if VPN will work over cell connection?

I wonder if I can *share* the connection and get Xbox Live going? Now wouldn’t THAT be cool!!!!

So welcome back to the Internet. I missed you people. Everybody drop me a note and say Hi.

Peace Out!

Don’t give up
Because you want to be heard
If silence keeps you
I…I will break it for you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don’t give up
Because you are loved

Don’t give up
It’s just the hurt that you hide
When you’re lost inside
I…I will be there to find you

Don’t give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you
I…I will shine to guide you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don’t give up
Because you are loved

You are loved
Don’t give up
It’s just the weight of the world
Don’t give up
Every one needs to be heard
You are loved

Welcome back to the world jasongaunt.com - I’ve missed you. It just doesn’t work blogging from Lori’s on dialup. Been looking at big screen tvs for Xbox 360. Life in HDTV land is very, very confusing. Plus it is still darn expensive. I’d love to get a Sony, but I can’t support the price premium for the brand name. Perhaps someday when I’m rich and famous I’ll get a Sony 60+ inch XBR LCD TV. Until then I’m torn between a Samsung and a Sharp. Does anyone have any suggestions? Short of save your money and don’t buy anything?

Well, it is great to be back but I’m running out of time. See you sometime soon.

Happy Trip Lori, I can’t wait until you get home. We all miss you (Z, Cujo, Belly and I).