Our little attempt here at Initech to brighten a coworkers birthday!
Happy Birthday Bert! Hope you enjoyed the ballons! Don’t ask me how old she is, I’d just get in trouble… 
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28Feb
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26Feb
Draw Me close - apparently by a group called Kutless. I think my Uncle Ken tried to introduce me to them, but I’ve not really given their CD any play time yet. I like this song a lot, and tonight for the first time it kind of hit me.
First, the acknowledgment that I lay it all down again. Which for me is a continual process. I have a nasty habit of laying it all down, only to pick it up a few hours later. I’m also moved by the acknowledgement of what should be the case…”You’re all I want” and what *IS* the case “You’re all I’ve ever needed”.
It is far too infrequently that I truly accept that Christ should be all I want, and far too infrequently that I acknowledge He’s all I ever need. I’m still hit by the acknowledgement though that we fail. “Help me find a way, bring me back to you” and “I lay it all down *again*” both give me pause…they give me hope.
When the tank is on empty…so often we don’t lay it all down. We wallow in the futility of the emptiness. We become consumed by the emptiness (to steal a line from Nickel Creek) “there’s a kind of emptiness that can fill you” but you become a shell. Almost a shade. But what do you do when you know that you haven’t reached the point where “You’re all I want”?
I get conflicted, confused and confounded by things like knowing that Christ is all I need, and should be all I want, yet there are desires of my heart that I’m also supposed to be able to ask for. He knows what I need, and what I want, and what is good for me. So do I even bother? Do I “go for the gold” or do I have to give it all up, to gain even more back.
So many questions, so many choices, I just hope that I can lay it all down again. Help me find a way, bring me (back?) to you…
But even that seems flawed. Help *ME* find a way…isn’t that the problem? He IS the WAY. Help me find YOU? I’m so confused…I think I need some sleep…
Draw me close to you…never let me go…help me know you are near…
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26Feb
It seems to be everywhere, at every turn. I’ve already shared the background that has appeared numerous times today. My webshots gallery on both my Initech Laptop and my home PC have several dozen images. Yet the one I shared early has appeared several times in the last two days.
Tonight, I come home and get ready to check email and whatnot. I get this one…
Is someone trying to tell me something, or is it all just wishful thinking on my part?
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26Feb
Island dreaming again…here’s a small sampling of what I’ve been staring at today…
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26Feb
Editor’s Note - I do not know how I could have missed mentioning Rick and Laurie originally. Rick was the DVD Master after all, and no one will ever doubt his knowledge of all things Calgon again! On top of that Laurie brought the excellent brownies! Man, at 2 whatever AM my brain was just somewhere else.
End Radio EditSo tonight was Non-Initech “Game Night” round 3. We managed to top New Years Eve attendence and I once again wound up staying out (and up) well past 2:00 AM. This is NEWS for me people. This simply does NOT happen. I must really like you people to be willing to change my ever-so-important schedule for you (who am I kidding? My social calendar is always open).
The night began with a fun journey to try and find U ave on the Lawton side. I got it *mostly* right but turned east too early. Thankfully, most of the North/South roads in Van Buren County are bound to hit U eventually (known as CR 354 in Van Buren). I managed to get to Lori’s early in the hope that I could help setup. I didn’t really accomplish this, but I was the first one there so Go Me!
We were quickly joined by the Reeds, Eric and Rachel, and Bert. A quick aside…
Happy Birthday Bert!
And then Laura showed up, followed by Rick and Laurie (or was that the other way around?), and somewhere in here Steve and his wife (whose name I can’t remember at the moment) arrived, then Peter and finally Wendy. Next thing you know we’ve got a rockin’ party going. I just have to say, Scene It really isn’t a good “large number of people” game IMHO. Maybe if we’d broken into smaller teams…who knows.
The strange thing is at various times tonight I found myself regressing into my shell. I’m not really sure why. I don’t know if it was simply me, or the extra people I didn’t know yet, or something else. I hope (and I think) by the end of the night I’d returned to my normal abnormal self. It was just confusing and frustrating to catch myself “wearing the mask”.
Hopefully, now that I’ve met everyone, this won’t happen again. I’m still confused/perplexed and somewhat consumed by the night though. I just don’t know why I slipped. Maybe something will make sense after sleep. Good night all, thanks for an exciting evening.
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26Feb
A place where we can lay low…where the Cuervo goes down nice and slow, and the warm wind blows…that’s why God made Mexico.
I’m up way past my typical sleep time and I’m feeling that kind of odd haze/clarity that comes when you’ve pushed thru tired. Logging into the computer I’m presented with images of Soufriere and the Pitons of St. Lucia…and suddenly I’m somewhere else entirely…
Talk about a change in Latitude that would change my attitude. Now, how and when do I get there? And who wants to go with me?
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21Feb
Well, that was fun for a bit. I think I’m all out of pictures to barrage you with this evening. I feel something brewing post-wise, but I’m not certain it is finished yet. Too much still going on in my head right now. I’m at an odd crossroad of overactive mind and tired.
Time to pack it in, maybe read some and head to bed. Y’all have a fine Wednesday now, ya hear?
A bit of sad news before I go - Lost is a RERUN tomorrow. My sources indicate that this is the Pilot from Season 1. Joy!
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21Feb
A different view of my title yacht…someday…maybe…
You and the Cap’n make it happen…
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21Feb
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21Feb
Alright people, tonight I have to let something out. I’ve read LRHG’s latest livejournal entry, which led me to read some of her friends’ latest livejournal entries. As I read them, I seriously thought “is your life *really* that bad?” in several instances.
I mean we are talking about some very attractive (IMHO) young 20-somethings that are so depressed because life hasn’t turned out as they expected. One friend was lamenting the fact that she isn’t the happy go lucky, bubbly, optimist she used to be. I might even be worried about her if I knew her a little better, she sounds genuinely depressed about life.
Here’s the rub though…my initial reaction was sympathy followed immediately by the thought “how bad can your life really be, you’re only 21…your entire life is ahead of you” and then it hit me. Thus the Pot…calling the kettle…black.
LRHG, I can’t post this at your livejournal because I don’t want to come across as a giant ass…but I have to steal a bit from her again. Boy, she is going to be pissed if she ever stumbles on my blog again…
Well, you know what I’m going to paraphrase. Her last non-survey post was last night. It was titled simply “I wish” and shared her wish that she could make everything better for everyone. Lots of people are going through rough times and she wishes she could make it all better.
Here’s the thing, I heard this yesterday and I like it. I’ve always fallen back on “whatever doesn’t kill me makes me stronger” even when the words seem hollow. Yesterday, the point that was made is that stress is the catalyst for growth in our lives. If everything really was paradise, if all of our wishes came true, we’d atrophy. Our lives would be meaningless.
Much like our muscles, our selves have to be torn to be built back up. The trick is that we can’t be continually torn, just like our muscles. We have to have periods of recovery. The wonderful thing is that once we’ve made it through a stressful time when then have the experience necessary to help someone else through the same sort of stress in the future.
It is really rather beautiful, once you can look at it outside of the stress itself. But I digress, as I often do.
My real point was that it is just very hard for me to grasp how someone at 21 can be so bloody beaten up already. How can you be running so empty at such a young age (sue me, I like to regurgitate what I hear - if you don’t like it, there’s a little back button on your browser ;-))? How can you be lamenting the fact that you aren’t married, you don’t have the white picket fence, you don’t have the 2.5 children at freakin’ 21!!!!
And then I think…I’ve got 10 years on this person. I know several of my friends have 10 years on me. Is this what you think when you read my posts? Am I just a whiny kid? Or do we ALL go through these periods in our lives? Is this just a natural part of growing up, growing older, growing wiser or harder or whatever cliche you want to use?
What does it really all mean? And does this guy have a friggin’ point already? Truthfully, tonight I don’t know. I was simply struck by the fact that I felt so strongly about replying “welcome to life kiddo” and now I’m wondering how often you all have thought that of me…
Welcome to life…My Momma said it was like a box of chocolates…you never know what you’re gonna get…
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