I need to settle. I’m letting myself get all worked up over a friendship. I hope, I pray, I wish, I may get to the point where I take the risk to see if this can be something more than a friendship. But the perking up when I walk by, the waving and smiling at me, it just gets me going. The RPMs revving for all the wrong (right?) reasons.
These few days in Indy are good for me. I can settle down. I can breath. I can organize my thoughts without the visual stimulation. What am I doing? Should I try and fish off the company pier?
She has my blog now. I was stupid in sending the Lost post to her. I meant to remove all links to my blog, but I failed. The good news is, I’ve got her livejournal now. I read it, it is very amusing but done in that “style” that is just a few years newer than I can handle. Short thoughts. Bursts of thought, written “live” - which I guess makes sense. I just prefer a brain dump to machine-gun bursts of consciousness.
I guess it is just my style. *sigh* *deep breath*
I am tired. Driving all of Indy at night has worn me out. I don’t much care for driving at night. I really don’t care for driving on roads that make Westnedge look like Red Arrow Highway.
I don’t know if I can compete with the ren faire group. I don’t know if she’ll get beyond “work acquaintance” because of this. I hope so though, I think we could have a lot of fun together. I just wish I wasn’t so damn self-conscious. I’m sorry, but I think she can do better than me. I need to grow beyond that and take risks.
blah….I am blogged out….and kind of glad no one is reading the b2e posts yet.
